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“Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?”

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Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, “Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?”

I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.

I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”

Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.

Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.

It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.

It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.

Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:

Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.

Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.

Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for – surprise surprise – depression.

Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”

TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:

  1. You do not respect their rights as an individual.
  2. You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
  3. You probably haven’t been listening to them.

Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.

Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.

rosyish:

gordachica:

nomi-dandekar:

Honestly, I find so hypocrite Taylor’s defense rant over the song with Kanye. I can’t even believe she has the nerve to say in the same rant things like ‘being falsely painted as a liar" “I was never given the full story and played part on this song is character assassination” or “you cannot approve a song you haven’t heard”.

Did she forgot the times she humiliated her exes and women with her songs? Did she asked them for ‘approval’?

In 2008, she publicly told Ellen Degeneres in her live show that Joe Jonas broke up with her over a phone call, repeatedly after that she kept on mocking him. Which Joe explained himself saying he did not break up with her or was unfaithful, he called her to talk, she told it the wrong way, and break the call. However, Joe suffered pranks for months. She also wrote the song “Forever & Always” about him calling him “scare little boy”, did she asked for approval? Did Joe wanted to be part of the character assassination?

Following that accident, Joe found a new girlfriend, the actress Camille Belle, Taylor wrote a song called “Better Than Revenge” with the following lyrics: “She’s not a saint, she’s not what you think, she’s an actress, she’s better known for the things that she does on the mattress” “she’s soon gonna find out stealing other people’s toys in the playground don’t give you any friends”. The song was put in the same album as the for song Joe, and was not shy to point out who’s song that was for. Did she asked Camille’s approval?

In 2010, Taylor dated John Mayer for a couple of months, following their spit she wrote a song called “Dear John” accusing him of dating her since she was too young (19), so it made the song look like he played her. In which John replies he felt humiliated with the song and feels like she took the situation to far as to make it public. Did she asked John’s approval to be involved in the song so openly ? I think not. Following that, we know John dated Katy Perry, which is the reason for Taylor’s song “Bad Blood”, even Katy knows this song is about her and she has exposed Taylor’s ‘don’t pit one girl after another’ rants.

In 2012, Taylor dated Harry Styles for short moths, not only did she wrote a couple of songs about him (Style, Out In the Woods) but she mocked him on international television, during Taylor’s performance at the Grammys 2013, she was performing her song We are never getting back together; in the middle of the song she did a really bad British accent begging herself to gave him a change, while some back up dancers were dressed as clowns, Harry Styles was at the audience that day.

Kanye West, we all know the big accident in 2009, were Kanye takes Taylor’s moment to say she didn’t deserve the award but Beyoncé did (which was true) it was an horrible thing to do, he acknowledge it and even apologize to her wanting to make things right. Taylor took the opportunity and publicity given to her to publicly humiliate him in an award show, singing her song ‘innocent’, trying to paint the black man as the angry awful person and she’s the little bird victim of the whole situation.

Jake Gyllenhaal was also part of Taylor’s little game with the songs we are never getting back together and all too well. Which exposed pretty heavy stuff. She’s been doing this even with her non-famous exes.

So, it’s very hypocrite of Taylor Swift to come and be like “oh, I’m so offended I’m being targeted as the bad guy” GIRL, your whole career has been about targeting people with your songs and make them feel embarrassed in the media, and the media will obviously take her side since she’s been putting this ‘American sweetheart’ ‘sweet angel’ imagine that the audience and society supports. So I’m REAL GLAD she’s getting the drag she deserves and celebrities are finally exposing her.

@taylorswift 🙂

afternoon tea anyone???